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Intimacy: The thing we crave by Kary Rader
Thanks so much for having me on the blog today.
INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction. – Ambrose Bierce
The seed for the idea of Queen of Jastain came from my long held belief that beyond our physical needs, intimacy is the most important component to our well-being and sanity. Even beyond love. To know and be known is essential to us being who we are. Because how can you love someone if you don’t know who they are?
The dictionary describes INTIMACY like this:
a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history
Intimacy requires relationship. It requires knowing another beyond the surface.
In Queen of Jastain, the hero, Avant is emotionally closed. He lets few people close. He is a loner. But within the story Avant must completely lay bare his mind and heart to Abby, the heroine, to accomplish his goals. He must use his spiritual gift, called The Implanting, to download a copy of his entire history into her, after which, she will know every thought and deed he’s ever committed. For him, it is the ultimate sacrifice to reveal his memories and emotions, his true self to another living soul and he struggles over the task.
Here is a small excerpt right before Avant Implants into Abby. He is explaining what needs to happen for them to defeat the darkness that has invaded the world.
Heat flushed her cheeks and her stomach flip-flopped. Oh hell.
“I do not relish the idea of baring my soul, but it is a necessary step in gaining the upper hand against my enemy. I imagine, for you, it will be like living inside me and through me…and there are things there I wouldn’t wish on anyone, especially you.” He blew out a long, whistling breath.
“W—what do you mean…your feelings…and thoughts?” Awkwardness flooded her brain, and her thoughts stumbled. The urge to run like hell tingled in her legs.
She needed a drink. Glancing around the room for a means of escape, she searched for anything that could help.
All the things she'd done in the privacy of her life ran through her mind. A chill swept over her and she shivered. No way would she ever reveal those to anybody…for any reason.
She would have memories of his sexual fantasies? And what he did with them? Eww… Every hateful thought would be revealed. Ouch.… Every time he picked his nose. Eww again.
“My God!” The words came out in a gasp, and the corset cinched her lungs closed.
“There is no way to separate my experiences from my thoughts and feelings of those experiences. You will have them written upon your memory like the words of a book. I am fairly certain you will have first-hand knowledge of my mind and heart. It is an unfortunate result of the process and one I deeply regret…but it is not to be helped.”
Was he trying to convince her or himself? “Avant, I don’t want to…please… let’s not do this. I can learn the language…. We can find another way.”
“No! This is how it must be. Do not tempt me. It is the only way. Time is of great importance. The Light has spoken; now we must act.” He seemed on the brink of violence, and she didn’t dare push him further. Standing, he paced to the window.
Shit. Her stomach churned. She would never hurt him, or use the information against him. But it’s not like she wanted to know all of his business, either.
He took a deep breath then turned to face her. “I think you can expect more of the same energy you experience when we communicate. Let's try.”
She couldn't look at him.
He lifted her chin and stared into her eyes.
With his straight back and set jaw, he looked so stoic. She couldn’t imagine wanting something so much that she’d be willing to do this to get it.
What would someone find if they were privy to your every thought or deed? What things would you be embarrassed about? What things would you be proud of? Would you fear that kind of intimacy or relish it?
Kary Rader is a stay-at-home mother of three, avid reader and slave to the characters and worlds inside her head.
Always creative, she's drawn to stories with fantastical worlds and creatures. With a little bit of magic and divine guidance, there isn't anything that can't be accomplished with words. It's the power of words that creates and destroys.
Vanquishing evil and injustice while finding eternal love in the process is all in a day's work. And with the help of her critique partners and master cartographer imaginary places come to life.